Oh how I wish this little cupcake was real. That frosting would be so delightful, sweet, and probably dye my whole mouth blue in the process.
I made finished this dessert today, after finding the pattern here a few weeks ago.
I plan to send this sweet cake to my mom. Cupcakes hold a lot of meaning for me and her, memories of our trips to bakeries, my obsession with baking weird recipes, watching Cupcake Wars together over cups of tea…all those great times. I want her to have a cupcake that won’t rot and she can display it somewhere, maybe on the table where I know she still drinks a cup of tea before she starts her day.
The past few days have been difficult. Last night I had a break down and called my mom crying, guess it finally hit me that “Hey, you’re mom is gone and not just on vacation like your brain was telling you–she’s not coming back.” She keeps urging me to pack my things and move out west. She told me that for what I pay for rent here, I could get my own apartment where she lives. I am tempted to, for sure, but I feel like I’m not ready to move because there are lose ends here I need to figure out what to do with, ranging from my education, my family, friends who have become my family and my boyfriend. If I could I’d shove them all in my backpack and take them with me.
I’ve been confused about myself lately too, what does it mean to be a college student, who wants to write, and craft, but is so content on sitting shy in a corner and not drawing attention to herself? What does it mean to be a girl friend and how come there isn’t a manual with rules on what to do? I think I’ve been over-thinking things lately, not just my relationship, but my life in general. I need to remember that I don’t have control over EVERYTHING, especially not the actions of others. I have to write little notes on my hands that not everything has to be so stressful. I want to look at others and tell them what I feel, and not hold it in for hours on end because no one can read my mind, especially when I pull away into my own depression. I want to get used to being alone, because honestly right now its what scares me the most. When I’m alone in my room for a night it feels so incredibly lonely, to the point I will do just about anything to distract myself until I go to bed. I want something so bad, and it seems to be getting further and further out of my reach. Its something I’ve never wanted until recently, and honestly I think if I told anyone they’d think I’m crazy.
I’ve got work to do, but sometimes a good cupcake or box of strawberry Pocky is all you need to make you feel better.
That or type a blog post about it, but I’d recommend doing both at the same time to optimize the maximum effect!
🙂 So with a big sigh, I am going to change the tone and catch up on the last The Walking Dead episodes and work on two new dolls for one of my best friends. I modified one of my own patters and converted it to joined rounds, hope to share the results soon and hopefully have some good feedback.
❤ Sweets certainly put me in a better mood,
Sugar satisfied Millie.